Settling a Dispute
by e-dog
Summary: Harm decides he’s ready to take the road not taken, but one man stands in his way. A “fight” for the woman he loves goes haywire due to some unforseen repercussions!
1. Part One

Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own 'em. Never will. 

Author's Note: Heh, wrote this in a moment of insanity due to this major writer's block I'm having for this one scene in the next chapter of Wrong Place, Worst Time. So decided to write this silly piece. 

Eh, this probably would never, ever happen, but I needed a laugh! Hope you like it! This takes place after the episode "What If". 

Category: Humor/Romance

Summary: Harm decides he's ready to take the road not taken, but one man stands in his way. A "fight" for the woman he loves goes haywire due to some unforseen repercussions! 

"Settling a Dispute" 

by e-dog

1032 Local Time

The "We Love Toys" Toy Store

Somewhere in Virginia

Harm cocked an eyebrow in amazement at the size of the toy store. He looked down at Mattie and asked, "Why are we here again?" 

"For the umpteenth time, to buy a birthday gift for my friend at school," Mattie sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm telling ya, Harm. Your memory is going." 

"It is not!" he argued, following her deeper into the jungle of stuffed animals and video games. He paused in an aisle and told Mattie he would catch up. She told him okay and rushed off. 

He entered the aisle and laughed, "This is a _toy_?" 

He lifted the box up and inspected it's contents and looked around the entire aisle. It was filled with accessories and gear. He whistled, "Amazing..." 

"The kid in you rearing it's ugly head," Mattie joked, holding the gift she selected.

"Heh, this is not at toy," he laughed. "This can hurt people!" 

"Sure it is," Mattie shrugged. "I know lots of kids who play with those. They have tournaments and also use it to settle petty disputes..." 

"Wait, what?" Harm smirked in amusement. "Settle disputes?" 

"Yeah, whoever is better, winds up winning whatever they were fighting over," Mattie explained. She watched in surprise as Harm grinned widely and began to grab things off the shelves. "Harm? What are you doing?" 

"I'm going to settle a dispute," he grinned widely. Before his mind could tell him that this was the silliest idea he had ever had, he went straight to the check out line to pay for his new "toys". 

0245 Local Time

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

"Now see, this is nice, right?" Clay said, sitting down next to Mac on her couch. "You and me...alone." 

"Yeah, it's nice...when you're here," she sighed as he grabbed her hand. 

"Hey, you know I don't have any control over that," he cooed. "But I'm here now..." 

"Yeah, I guess you are," she reluctantly agreed. He leaned in to kiss her, but a loud knock interrupted them. She immediately got up...almost too quickly and answered the door. He sighed heavily and got up to go see who it was. He stopped when she saw her holding a rose. She turned to him, "It was on the floor. Did you deliver it or something?"

"Uh....no," he said, looking out into the hall to find no one else. Then he spied more of them. "Look. They go all the way down the hall." 

They both exchanged curious and confused glances. They followed the roses into the elevator and found a note taped to the buttons which instructed they go to the lobby of the complex. 

"This is so strange," Clay muttered. "Who is doing this?" 

"Let's find out," Mac said, hitting the close button. 

When in the lobby, there were more of the roses that eventually led outside the gate of Mac's apartment complex. 

"There's 12 total," she gushed, wondering who had left them. 

"12?" Clay eyed them curiously and then looked down at the ground. "There's a package here..." 

Before he could pick it up, he heard a soft pop and felt a sharp pang against his chest. He yelped in surprise and stumbled into Mac. 

"Clay?" Mac looked at him concerned and then noticed red coloring on his chest and immediately thought blood. "Is that...?"

"I don't know what it is," Clay said, brushing some off with his fingers. "It feels like...like paint." 

"Paint?" Mac repeated. 

Suddenly, that soft popping sound filled the air and a barrage of paint pellets slammed into Clay at an enormous rate. He hopped around, trying to avoid them, but it was impossible. Mac had to back away for some paint was beginning to splatter on her as well. Finally, the pellets stopped coming and Mac stifled a giggle as she saw a multi-colored Clayton Webb standing before her. 

She covered her mouth in surprise, "Clay? You're..." 

"Covered in paint!" he exclaimed and looked up, trying to find the culprit. Then he spotted him and growled, "Harm..." 

"Harm?" Mac looked up and couldn't believe her eyes. Clay looked at her surprised as she began to choke with laughter. Harm was standing across the street, wearing military fatigues, sunglasses, combat boots and what appeared to be an ammo belt around his waist. He had the goofiest grin on his face, and looked down right ridiculous. He grinned widely and rested his paintball gun on his shoulder, "Look in the box, Webb!" 

"Rabb, what the hell are you doing?" yelled Clay who was livid. Harm couldn't help but smile wider. 

"I'm settling a dispute," he said simply. "Now open the box." 

"What dispute?" Clay glared at him and then opened the box. He pulled out the paintball equivalent to a handgun. He laughed, finally catching on, "You want me to fight you with _this_? A handgun? Harm, you have a semi-automatic!" 

"Wait, fight?" Mac looked up. "Fight over what?" 

"I didn't say this would be a fair fight," Harm shrugged. "You know what we're playing for?" 

"This is ridiculous," Clay said, standing back up completely. "Sarah and I are going back inside and..." 

"You chicken?" Harm threw at him and Clay stopped in his tracks. "Afraid a Navy man will beat ya?" 

Mac looked at Harm like he had lost his mind, "Wait, are you fighting over me?" 

"Do you like the roses, Mac?" Harm answered her with the cockiest grin he could muster. Clay's eyes narrowed in frustration. 

Mac just sighed and Clay cocked the gun. She turned to him, "Oh, no, no, no...Clay. Don't. Clay, don't do this."

"If he wants to settle it this way, then so be it, Sarah," Clay said, grabbing the stash of paintballs Harm had provided him. "Are we gonna do this here, Harm?" 

"No, I know a better place," Harm smiled. 

0412 Local Time

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

"I don't believe this," Mac muttered as she and Sturgis rested on the steps of JAG Headquarters. Harm and Clay had been going at it for the last hour now. The deal was, whoever got hit five times was declared the loser. So far, Harm and Clay had only hit each other once and now they were at a stalemate. Both hiding behind cars, waiting for the other to make a move. 

"And what is this called, again?" Sturgis looked at Mac. 

"Paintball." she sighed. 

"And they're doing this because?" 

"Whoever wins, gets me, even though I made it clear they would both _lose_ me if they continued," she laughed to herself again. "No offense, Sturgis but guys can be such..." 

"Morons. Idiots. Self-centered." he filled in for her, with a smile. "I haven't seen Harm do something this crazy for a girl since his Academy days." 

"Really?" she looked up at Sturgis. 

"Really." He answered her so sincerely, Mac could tell he was talking about something other than this paintball fight. Sturgis continued, "I don't know anything about what happened with you two, but I do know he cares a lot about you." 

"I know he cares, Sturgis...it's complicated," Mac sighed, as she spied Harm refilling his paint ball gun. 

"Well, you have to admit one thing." 

"What's that?" 

"This is fun to watch," he smirked. 

She grinned in agreement and they returned their gaze to the JAG parking lot, which was pretty much a ghost town since it was the weekend. Only a few cars here and there. She had warned them this probably wasn't the best battle ground, seeing how there were still cars in the lot, but they ignored her. They were too determined to beat the pants off of each other than to listen to reason.

Mac and Sturgis looked up when a familiar SUV pulled into the parking lot and Harm and Clay were completely oblivious to it. AJ Chegwidden stepped out and gave Mac and Sturgis curious stares, wondering why they were here on a Saturday. Mac and Sturgis's eyes widened as they noticed Harm and Clay ready to strike again. 

They stood up, motioning for the Admiral to get out of the way, but it was too late. Harm and Clay both stood up from their hiding places and blindly fired at each other...with AJ right in the middle of their attacks! 

Mac and Sturgis winced as Clay and Harm stopped in shock and in fear at what they had just done. AJ stood in surprise and looked down at himself, his military uniform covered in multi-colored paint blotches. He angrily glanced around the parking lot as Harm and Clay slowly sunk back behind the cars they were hiding behind. 

"Webb! Rabb!" AJ bellowed, his face turning a shade of red Mac had never seen before. "My office now!!" 

"Right now, sir?" Harm asked meekly, poking his head around the car. 

"Yes, now! Damn it! Didn't I say _now?_" he roared, then looked at Sturgis and Mac. "Sturgis. Mac. I want all of you in my office right now!!" 

AJ stormed past them and Harm and Clay slowly walked up. Mac shut her eyes, now extremely angry at both Harm and Clay. 

"What did I do?" Sturgis muttered as all four them proceeded to the office of the very angry, former Navy Seal...

To be continued...

A/N: Probably have the rest finished by tonight or tomorrow... :D

Please review :)


	2. Part two

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! 

To alliekiwi– no, they were just a random 12! Thought I would answer your question, since you asked!

Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own 'em. Never will. 

Author's Note: Sorry for the wait. It was finished, but I was "temporarily" banned from the computer. 

Category: Humor/Romance

"Settling a Dispute" Part Two 

by e-dog

0432 Local Time

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

The four of them stood in front of the Admiral's desk, while AJ paced back and forth, fuming. He looked at them and sighed heavily again. Both Harm and Webb were wearing military fatigues, holding paintball guns and looking rather fearful of what was about to happen. Mac and Sturgis seemed to try to distance themselves from the other two, careful not to look into their CO's eyes. AJ glared at all them and then looked down at his ruined uniform. 

"Uh, sir..., if I could explain...," Harm tried to amend, but AJ shot him an irritated look and he shut up immediately. 

"Look at my uniform," AJ pointed at himself, then repeated loudly. "Look at _my_ uniform!! I look like the freakin' mascot for...for that damn cereal with the rainbow!"

"Lucky Charms, sir," Harm filled in quietly, trying not to laugh. AJ was covered in paint and to be honest, it looked rather funny and he was having a hard time keeping it together. 

"What Comdr.?" AJ said with a strained voice. 

"The cereal with the rainbow...it's Lucky...," Harm elaborated. 

"I know what it is, Harm!" AJ slammed his fist into the desk. Mac let out a small sigh. Even now, Harm hadn't learned when to shut-up! Sturgis glanced down to the floor, he too, trying to suppress his amusement. 

AJ paced some more and tried his best to calm down, "Now, who's idea was this?" 

"Harm." Both Clay, Sturgis and Mac said simultaneously and immediately. Clay even had the nerve to point at him. 

"Well, geez, guys! Thanks for selling me out so quickly," Harm looked at them incredulously. 

AJ walked over to Harm, got in his face and hissed, "You better have a damn good reason for firing those damn paintballs in my damn parking lot Comdr., or I'll have your head delivered to the SECNAV on a silver platter, do you understand what I'm saying?" 

"Yes, I do, sir," Harm said, doing his best not to make eye contact with his CO. Never in his wildest dreams did he think this scenario up! He was just trying to win Mac back! 

"Well?" AJ pushed. 

"I did it for the Col., sir," Harm said, deciding that telling the truth was the best option. 

"Harm!" hissed Mac. "Don't bring me into this!"

"Well, you _are_ the reason I did it, Mac! And that's why Webb did it too, sir," Harm added, also deciding Clay shouldn't be let off the hook either. "We were fighting over the Col." 

For this comment, Harm received a glare from Clay who then turned to AJ. "If I may Admiral..."

"Shut-up, Webb," AJ warned, then turned back to Harm. "And you two thought firing paintballs at each other would be the best way to woo the Col.? Is that it?" 

Sturgis released a stifled chuckle at that question and Harm shot a glare at him. 

"Well, I wasn't trying to woo her in that sense, sir," Harm chuckled a little, trying to explain. "I mean, I was trying to get her attention and I was challenging Webb to fight for her, I guess..." 

"You guess?" AJ repeated angrily. "Well, your guess ruined my uniform!"

"Might I add, sir, that I'm just an observer," Sturgis pleaded, then pointed at the two of them. "I had _nothing_ to do with this..." 

"And I tried to stop them, sir," Mac added eagerly, not wanting to feel the wrath of AJ either. 

AJ glared at Sturgis and Mac, but he determined that they indeed had just been watching the events unfold from the sidelines. His gaze on them softened and he dismissed Sturgis and Mac to the dismay of Harm and Clay. AJ glared at Harm and Clay and said, "What you two did out there was juvenile, unprofessional and down right stupid." 

"We know, sir," They both agreed, happy to hear that his tone had calmed down a little bit. 

"And while I should punish you in an appropriate manner, I want to do something else that will make me feel so much better," AJ said in a way that made Harm grimace. 

"And that would be?" Clay asked. 

"This," and then AJ punched Clayton hard in the nose sending him sprawling to the floor. Harm stepped back in surprise, "Ouch." 

"I've been wanting an excuse to punch him for months now," AJ explained. "Thanks for being stupid."

"Well, your welcome, sir," Harm said uneasily. 

AJ than surprised Harm and punched him in the face with almost the same intensity as when he punched Clay. Harm landed on the floor right next to Clay. Both men moaned and tried to sit up, clearly in pain.

"Sir, what was_ that _for?" Harm moaned. "I thought you were thanking me for being stupid..."

AJ tugged on his sleeves, feeling slightly better and looked down at Harm with a smile playing on his lips, "_That_ was for destroying my uniform."

Monday Morning

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac was tapping her pencil on her desk when Harm came in, a stack of files in his arms that completely blocked his face. He set them down on her desk and smiled sheepishly, "Hey, Mac." 

"Hey, Harm," she stared curiously at the stack, then looked up at him and smirked. "How's your eye?"

"Oh, this?" he pointed at his slightly swollen left eye; the injury sustained from AJ's fury. "It doesn't hurt as much as my back. Do you know how much paperwork I've been lugging around?" 

"How much?" she smiled. 

"Think the Imes debacle...only ten times worse," he grinned. 

He watched as Mac tried to hide her amusement, but couldn't. She started to laugh and he looked at her curiously, "What's so funny? You find the Admiral punishing me amusing?" 

"No, not that," she smiled. "I just...wow, Harm. Paintball? Where the hell did that come from?" 

He laughed and said, "I don't know, Mac. At the time, it seemed like a good idea..."

"Was it?" she asked curiously. 

"I don't know yet," he replied wistfully. "You tell me."

Their eyes locked and Mac found herself at a lose for words. She went to open her mouth, but before she could say anything, Harm snapped his fingers and stood up, "Hold that thought...I forgot I have a present for you." 

"Hopefully not this stack of papers," she joked. 

"Nope, something better," he said, skipping back out into the bullpen and popping back in with a dozen roses. "These are for you." 

"Oh!" Mac gasped in surprise and stood up to take them. "Thanks, Harm...but, what are these for?" 

"I decided to just go with the roses this time," he smiled at her, then added quickly, "There's one more thing you might want to know..." 

"What's that?" she asked. 

"Rabb!" yelled the voice of a very angry CIA agent. 

"Webb's here," Harm grimaced.

"What did you do?" Mac said to Harm as Clay stormed through her office door, covered in paint. He was holding the Admiral's freshly cleaned uniform and that too, was covered in paint...again. Harm turned around and smiled, "Hey Clay, I thought you were supposed to get that cleaned?" 

"It was clean until you ambushed me!" Clay yelled, startling people in the bullpen. 

"Harm..." Mac gave him a stern look. 

"Hey, it's not like we called a truce or anything," Harm shrugged. "So I was still obligated to fight if I wanted to. Not that, that matters. I didn't fire anything at you."

"You're lying and you know it," Clay began then heard the booming voice of AJ. 

"Webb? Is that my uniform still covered in paint?" AJ bellowed from across the bullpen. 

Harm grinned wickedly and waved goodbye. Clay glared at Harm and turned to AJ to explain what had happened. Sturgis popped into Mac's office quickly and handed Harm his paintball pistol back, "You owe me big time! You're lucky he didn't see me!" 

"Thanks, Sturgis!" Harm smiled wide and took the gun. Sturgis quickly hopped back out and Harm turned to Mac and smiled, "I win." 

She looked at him and sighed heavily, "No, you cheated." 

"So? Clay doesn't know that," he shrugged. He then sat on her desk and asked, "So, where are we going to dinner?" 

"Wait. Dinner?" she looked at him. 

"Yeah, I "won". You were the prize. Now I want to take you to dinner," Harm explained. 

"Now, hold on, _I_ never said you won me," she pointed at him. "_You_ said you won me and frankly, I'm not some trophy to be _won_." 

"C'mon, Mac. Do you want to go to dinner or not?" Harm pushed. 

Before she could answer, there was a loud smack, a hush over the bullpen and the loud thud of Clayton Webb hitting the floor. 

"Now get my damn uniform cleaned!" AJ yelled at him. "I'm sick of your damn excuses!"

"Ouch." Mac grimaced and Harm chuckled to himself. 

AJ looked in Mac's office and glared at Harm, "Did I _not_ give you enough work to do, Comdr?" 

Harm quickly hopped up and grabbed the files, but before leaving he turned to Mac, "Dinner?" 

"Uh...," Mac paused to see Clay just now getting up off the floor. He looked pathetic and dinner with Harm suddenly started to look much more appealing. She turned to Harm and said, "Pick me up 7?" 

"Deal," he smiled. 

"Comdr.!"

"Coming, sir," Harm replied, hurrying out of Mac's office. 

Mac laughed to herself and sat down. She picked up a one of the roses, breathed in the scent and smiled...

The End

  



End file.
